Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
