6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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