sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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