Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
