that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
