My underwear smells like fireworks.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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