they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
