After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
