i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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