you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
