you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
areolas are like halos for boobs.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
