Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize