Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just googled if crying burns calories
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
