Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
