to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
