Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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