I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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