So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
