I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Boobs are out for the taking
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
