3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
