mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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