I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
