My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
