How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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