Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
