ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
