three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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