He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
