It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
