i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
