The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
