drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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