it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
