May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
