my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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