turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize