i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
