i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
