I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
