Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
