Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
