bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
