and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
