I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
