i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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