I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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