Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
