I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
