are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
you made out with another girl for some wings
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
