yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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