I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
