Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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