He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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