Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
His nipple licking is glorious
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