Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
