I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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