Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
