i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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