Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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