This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
