I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
