OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize