I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
