I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
