She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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