Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
