If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
