I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
