also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Green mimosas i think yes
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
