Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
