well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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