i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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