Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
