Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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