She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I want a musical about memes.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
