Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Randomize
