is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
