What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
