so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
