just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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