he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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