his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
