I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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