u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
