I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Mom said you looked used
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
