I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
