I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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