If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
