Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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